Then & NowAuthor, James Randall Chumbley asks the question: Is the real face of gay America a pretty young mug on the cover of a magazine?
As I walk by the magazine section of my favorite local bookstore, I see a barrage of young, good-looking, shirtless guys, appearing to be in the age range of 18 to 25 staring at me from the rows and rows of covers of popular gay men’s publications. And it is the same month after month 95% of the time. Personally, I appreciate seeing a fresh young face, but what about older gay men? Where are they? Why are the guys almost always shirtless? Are the provocative covers implying we are just about sex? It makes me question: Is the real face of gay America a pretty young mug on the cover of a magazine? I cannot help but wonder further, what underlying and long-term affects the absence of maturing faces in the mix is having on the male gay community at large, and has it caused a huge disconnect from our history.
As one of those maturing men, I wonder if indeed, the male gay community today - young and older - really understands its history, what it is all about, and where it is heading in the future. Over the years, I have seen our community make huge leaps forward and recoil with set backs - some of our own making. So, where do we really stand today in our own culture, what will tomorrow bring, and what part will the gay media play in helping all gays move forward toward living healthy, productive and realistic lives in a country where the political and social waters are far from calm?
For a very long time, the gay community has been able to hold its head just above water despite the changing political currents, the-on-going suffocating influences of religion, the negative cloud of AIDS that blackened our skies in the early eighties and still hovers above, the sometimes misguided purpose of circuit parties, the continued threat of glorified drug use, and the name-calling that has followed many of us from our youth. In some countries, being gay can mean death; thank God you live in America, right? Our government may not kill us directly, but indirectly - our lives, as well as our rights to be whole Americans has constantly been in peril. From the Stonewall riots for equal rights, to the Reagan years and his ignoring the AIDS eruption - where so many died before they knew what got them, to our government still marginalizing hate crime legislation today - so we still have to watch our backs in the work place and on ours streets; whether it be New York or Laramie - remember Matthew Shepard and the countless faceless others who met a similar fate. Gay marriage, yes. Gay marriage, no. With all this behind us, and with everything in front, are we strong enough to continue the swim against the currents and finally make land?
One old adage, from the 1920s, seems appropriate to mention: Is he from the island? Because of being misunderstood by a large percentage of American society, and with those huge obstacles thrown in our path, gays have had to swim a jagged course in an ocean that would rather drown them, than reveal an island of rescue as we search to find where we belong in the whole scheme of life as individuals and as a group. Our history is extensive and rich, full of individual and collective contributions and sacrifices - both large and small - to reach the island that eludes us.
As with any culture, there were older individuals, then young, who came before; like pioneers calming the waters to help smooth the sea and make the swim of those to follow easier. Because society in general is still tip-toeing around gay issues, omitting our contributions from the general media - identifying us mostly for its amusement or loathing, we must fill our minds and whatever media available, including our own magazines to carry them on to the future. In a time when we look for heroes, I fear the gay community is forgetting theirs. Because of the obvious lack of maturing faces on the covers, younger gays are not being exposed to the deeds of these pioneers which helped all of us swim a stronger course through some very choppy waters. Who will tell the stories or inspire younger men to carryon as these pioneers age, and eventually die off? Will it be the gay media? Or, are they just continuing to perpetuate the obsession of youth and beauty in our community, and innuendos of sex and good times - mirroring the straight media, but with a double shot of tequila? Are they selling the idea that being gay is just one big party? Where is the reality? How will these younger gays learn to age gracefully when the media continues to glorify youth and beauty with little regard to the maturing process? Like a mega ship in the ocean, I fear they are making a wake that is weakening our stride and throwing us off course, while drowning many of our own and leaving others floundering in a sea of frustration.
It would appear, as the face of gay America grows older, the image fades into the background to page 99 where they are soon forgotten by the very culture they once played a vital role in nurturing by calming those ruff seas of gay life. Do the majority of young gay men today understand the contributions, struggles and sacrifices made by those older men that made it easier for them to be gay today? Do they have what it takes – the knowledge, compassion and understanding - to keep the ruff waters ahead from drowning themselves, and our rich history with them? Is the gay media doing a disservice to our younger gay men and our community by not showing the real gay America?
In truth, the face of gay America are many: we are bright, wide-eye youth just beginning to learn how to swim, maturing men leaving our 30s, 40s and 50s behind - discovering who we finally are, and wise men, some dog-eared more than others, aging into our twilight years; swimming closer to that island of rescue. We are body beautiful, full-figured, or somewhere in-between. We are tall and short, smooth and hairy, and come in array of different colors and backgrounds. We cover the gamut of the work force, and are dissimilar in as many ways as we are the same.
As gay men, we still have more obstacles to conquer now and in the future. I believe it is vital to our success that the gay media make a conscious effort to show diversity on its covers. After all, we are a community, made up of young and old; all full of passion and hope, with dreams and fears of finding love, acceptance and the American Dream. If we are ever going to find that island of rescue, we must all swim together with support and acceptance. By doing so, it will enable all to keep their heads far above the waters that are trying to drown us and our culture. Because the reality is - the face of male gay America does mature, and showing more of those faces will help younger gay men look beyond the superficial aspects of gay life and see what is ahead, and be reminded there is a history behind us.
Here are some faces - all have left their 20s behind, one is close to saying good-bye to his 30s, while several others have moved into their 40s and 50s - and their thoughts on aging in gay America. These men are still a vital part of our community, still out in the sea of life swimming, their strides strong and determined, as their presence continues to lead us to the future and help all of us find that island of rescue.
Scott age 52 Scott age 24
What year did you come out?
1978
What is the age range of the majority of your friends?
All ages
What were the three biggest worries you had about coming out?
1. Social Rejection
2. Legal Recrimination
3. Physical Assault
What were the three best things about coming out?
1. Peace of mind
2. Friendships based on honesty
3. Meeting hot guys
How significant a role have your looks played in your social life?
Somewhat significant
What are the three main issues that divide young gay men from mature gay men?
1. Youth
2. Wisdom
3. Current socio-political environment
Do you think gays today are more supportive of each other and have a sense of unity than when you first came out?
Absolutely. Past generations hid in the shadows and used code to communicate. Today so many aspects of our daily lives are wide open and thriving. And there’s support for nearly everything if you just seek it out.
Overall, do you think today’s gay generation understands, appreciates and has a clear understanding of the sacrifices, struggles and contributions made by generations before them?
No. And they’re not supposed to. I have no clear understanding of the hardship and national sacrifice my parents endured during WWII. I have an awareness and gratefulness for the Stonewall uprising that led to the birth of Gay Pride, but it was a decade ahead of my own coming out. The road to freedom is paved with the blood and sweat of our families before us. We should walk upon it with respect and dignity, but with our eyes clearly focused on tomorrow’s horizon.
What gay individual in history stands out in your mind?
Michelangelo - His vision, passion, artistry, torment and conflict embody the human condition at the extreme. And through it he conveyed messages that are absolutely eternal, universal and profound.
What is the one main thing you know now that you wish you knew when you first came out?
That I deserve to be loved and respected.
What is the one thing you have learned since you came out that you believe younger guys could benefit in knowing that they don’t know now?
You have a valued place in the world, no lesser than anyone else.
What opinions of gay life as a young man did you have that have since changed as a result of maturing?
Beyond our big city communities and the sameness that they so often encourage, our community is vast, varied, rich and colorful. Like a rainbow, indeed.
Do you think coming out today is easier than when you came out?
Hell yes. But I know that doesn’t comfort the individual who’s scared to death to come out right now.
Do you think the gay media plays a significant role in gay society’s preference of youth over maturity?
It’s a chicken/egg thing, and not only with the gay media. Sex sells whether it’s gay or straight. And who says gay society prefers youth? Socially I’d much rather be in the company of a "seasoned" gay adult than a nubile youngster.
If any, what is the single most important sacrifice or contribution you have made for the gay community?
To declare a significant sacrifice is self-serving. Id say that my most important contribution has been being an honest, outspoken and confident gay man in every aspect of my personal and professional life.
Jerry age 45 Jerry age 20
What year did you come out?
I started coming out to friends in 1986, came out to parents in 1994.
What is the age range of the majority of your friends?
All ages, mostly within 10 years younger or 10 years older.
What were the three biggest worries you had about coming out?
1. People would think less of me
2. I might lose my job
3. Discrimination in general
What were the three best things about coming out?
1. Freedom—big, heavy load off of my shoulders.
2. Realizing I was just fine the way I was.
3. Being different (gay) was an education that, as unpleasant as it was, made me a wiser and more caring person.
How significant a role have your looks played in your social life?
Somewhat significant
What are the three main issues that divide young gay men from mature gay men?
1. Drugs use
2. Acceptance issues
3. You have to go through your teen years in your 20s and 30s, because you were too busy trying to be somebody else in your teen years.
Do you think gays today are more supportive of each other and have a sense of unity than when you first came out?
No, not as much as when I came out. In a business since, the community was more supportive of gay businesses and seemed to have more of a bond 20 years ago. I don’t know if it’s the growth of the community or the acceptance by society in general that has lead to this. I know as a gym owner, I could not survive by calling it a gay gym today. The younger gays support the corporate gyms now. Older gays are more loyal and more aware of supporting gay businesses. I think this is true of other businesses, as well. And in general, I don’t feel the community of togetherness that was once in the air.
Overall, do you think today’s gay generation understands, appreciates and has a clear understanding of the sacrifices, struggles and contributions made by generations before them?
No. It is so much more acceptable to be gay now. I don’t think anyone can imagine what it was like when it was considered a psychological disorder and you could be put in a mental home if you were outed. Although discrimination still exists and it is still difficult in small towns across America, the changes in the law and the overall acceptance in the world has made it easier.
What gay individual in history stands out in your mind?
Rock Hudson. Because, he came out with being HIV positive right when I was coming out. Everyone loved him and he was a sex symbol to women. People had to deal with the issue of liking him and finding out he was gay and then deal with the fact that he played the macho male roles, but liked men. He kissed Linda Evans on T.V. and people wondered if she would get AIDS? And it made people realize that anyone could contract it—even the rich and famous and beautiful!
What is the one main thing you know now that you wish you knew when you first came out?
MEN are PIGS. Not just gays, MEN!
What is the one thing you have learned since you came out that you believe younger guys could benefit in knowing that they don’t know now?
Don’t get too wrapped up in the party scene. Enjoy it when it’s there, but realize it’s just a retreat from the real world. You need something fulfilling to return to.
What opinions of gay life as a young man did you have that have since changed as a result of maturing?
I never realized there were so many guys out there that just happened to be gay. And there are so many different sub-cultures within the gay community. I use to think I had been cursed with being gay. Now, I believe I’ve been blessed.
Do you think coming out today is easier than when you came out?
Yes. You can’t be put in a mental home. It’s harder to lose your job because of being gay. There are places to move where being gay is hardly an issue.
Do you think the gay media plays a significant role in gay society’s preference of youth over maturity?
Yes. There are a lot of extremely handsome gay men in their 40s, 50s and 60s and are rarely featured on any gay magazines or T. V. for that matter. Yet, many people would like to see them and it shows that many have taken care of themselves. Also, there are many older gay men who have achieved great things in their careers. I would like to read about these men, and not the younger ones most of the time.
If any, what is the single most important sacrifice or contribution you have made for the gay community?
Hopefully by being up front about who I am and trying to set a good example. I’ve been with my partner for 18 years. When many straights get to really know gay people and see that their lives are very similar, it becomes less of a "strange thing" for them. I’ve been the only gay person some of my friends have ever known. YIKES! Maybe that’s not so good!
Will age 53 Will age 25
What year did you come out?
1982
What is the age range of the majority of your friends?
All ages
What were the three biggest worries you had about coming out?
1. Family rejection
2. Establishing friendships
3. Afraid of being called a queen, fag, etc.
What were the three best things about coming out?
1. My lover, Rusty
2. Freedom
3. Being true to myself
How significant a role have your looks played in your social life?
Somewhat significant
What are the three main issues that divide young gay men from mature gay men?
1. Age
2. Shared experiences
3. Fitness
Do you think gays today are more supportive of each other and have a sense of unity than when you first came out?
No.
Overall, do you think today’s gay generation understands, appreciates and has a clear understanding of the sacrifices, struggles and contributions made by generations before them?
No. Mostly due to lack of education… more self absorbed. They have no idea how difficult it used to be.
What gay individual in history stands out in your mind?
Ellen and Rosie
What is the one main thing you know now that you wish you knew when you first came out?
How much fun being gay can be.
What is the one thing you have learned since you came out that you believe younger guys could benefit in knowing that they don’t know now?
Safe sex, chill out on the drugs, being gay is not always a party… you have to be an active member of the com
munity… gay and straight.
What opinions of gay life as a young man did you have that have since changed as a result of maturing?
I’ve lightened up.
Do you think coming out today is easier than when you came out?
Yes. It’s more excepted than when I came out.
Do you think the gay media plays a significant role in gay society’s preference of youth over maturity?
Yes. The young are easier to market to due to lack of experience and maturity.
If any, what is the single most important sacrifice or contribution you have made for the gay community?
Financial support to national organizations as well as personal involvement.
Ralph age 55 Ralph age 20
What year did you come out?
1971
What is the age range of the majority of your friends?
All ages
What were the three biggest worries you had about coming out?
1. Parents’ feelings
2. Acceptance by straight friends
3. Acceptance by society in general
What were the three best things about coming out?
1. I could be myself
2. No more hiding
3. Could love whom I wanted
How significant a role have your looks played in your social life?
Very significant
What are the three main issues that divide young gay men from mature gay men?
1. A perception by the younger that they will remain young
2. A perception by many older that seems to be internalized ageism against themselves
3. As in society in general, a devaluing of older individuals
Do you think gays today are more supportive of each other and have a sense of unity than when you first came out?
No. When I came out, it was just after Stonewall, and there was a sense of US vs. THEM. We were fighting for rights and a voice in the community at large. There seemed to be a lot of support for one another in being who we wanted and needed to be. Now, it seems it’s more like every man for himself.
Overall, do you think today’s gay generation understands, appreciates and has a clear understanding of the sacrifices, struggles and contributions made by generations before them?
No. They take it for granted. They don’t know what it was like to hide.
What gay individual in history stands out in your mind?
Walt Whitman for the Calamus poems which were gay themed in the 1860s and especially my favorite poem of all time - "WHEN I HEARD AT THE CLOSE OF THE DAY." That poem is an anthem to love that pertains today as it did the day it was written. Check it out.
What is the one main thing you know now that you wish you knew when you first came out?
I wish I knew then how precious and short-lived so many of my friendships would be. How AIDS would devastate my group and kill so many friends I held dear. I wish I knew then how much strength it would take to help my best friends kill themselves when all hope was lost. I wish I had known how fragile life is in general, and how final good-bye can be.
What is the one thing you have learned since you came out that you believe younger guys could benefit in knowing that they don’t know now?
Death is powerful and assisting in a suicide is a life changing event. It helps you to see that life is not about the mojitos at the Abbey in West Hollywood.
What opinions of gay life as a young man did you have that have since changed as a result of maturing?
That my popularity would diminish as I got older, and that my friends would always be there to grow old with.
Do you think coming out today is easier than when you came out?
Yes. Popular press and database of knowledge for the society in general has made it easier. And, with more gay characters on television as well. But, most of the gay characters that make it on television are feminized and de-sexed - Will and Jack on Will & Grace are a perfect example. They are out there to make it easier for straight America to come to grips with us.
Do you think the gay media plays a significant role in gay society’s preference of youth over maturity?
Yes. Just check out the covers of all the gay magazines, predominately young shaved guys on the covers.
If any, what is the single most important sacrifice or contribution you have made for the gay community?
My involvement in many marches on Washington, through the streets of San Francisco and Los Angeles during the Briggs initiative and the Anita Bryant Scandal, etc.
Mike age 41 Mike age 19
What year did you come out?
1985
What is the age range of the majority of your friends?
All ages
What were the three biggest worries you had about coming out?
1. Parents finding out
2. HIV infection
3. Work finding out
What were the three best things about coming out?
1. Not having to hide
2. New friends that were gay
3. Men!
How significant a role have your looks played in your social life?
Very significant
What are the three main issues that divide young gay men from mature gay men?
1. Knowledge
2. Knowledge
3. Knowledge
Do you think gays today are more supportive of each other and have a sense of unity than when you first came out?
No. I feel that gay individuals are more competitive then when I first came out. The stress level is higher.
Overall, do you think today’s gay generation understands, appreciates and has a clear understanding of the sacrifices, struggles and contributions made by generations before them?
No. That isn’t a concern to them. They are more into living the lifestyle and having a good time.
What gay individual in history stands out in your mind?
Mark Bingham From Flight 93 on September 11th. His bravery saved many lives that day.
What is the one main thing you know now that you wish you knew when you first came out?
Not to jump into a relationship quickly.
What is the one thing you have learned since you came out that you believe younger guys could benefit in knowing that they don’t know now?
Be more caring based on age. I also have friends that are bothered by how people treat them based on their HIV status. Be more open to different types of individuals.
What opinions of gay life as a young man did you have that have since changed as a result of maturing?
Life is more about learning, and personal growth other than sleeping around and partying.
Do you think coming out today is easier than when you came out?
Yes. People are more open about gays now then when I came out and more accepting.
Do you think the gay media plays a significant role in gay society’s preference of youth over maturity?
Yes. The media seems to think - the more young the more beautiful and that most people prefer to see young, hot boys rather than older men. But, I don’t think society is that way.
If any, what is the single most important sacrifice or contribution you have made for the gay community?
Not being closeted.
Kelly age 39 Kelly age 20
What year did you come out?
1987
What is the age range of the majority of your friends?
30 - 56
What were the three biggest worries you had about coming out?
1. Family’s acceptance
2. What would my straight friends think of me
3. How to have safe sex
What were the three best things about coming out?
1. Relief of being able to be "me"
2. Going to gay bars
3. Cultivating new gay friends
How significant a role have your looks played in your social life?
Somewhat significant
What are the three main issues that divide young gay men from mature gay men?
1. Money - income difference
2. Perception of lack of common interests ... I think if younger people get to know older gays ... they will find we are all still looking for similar things and have more commonalities than differences - it’s just being open to hanging out with "older" gays - and I think the younger men might learn a thing or two. Actually, we can all lean from each other - meaning the older men may learn some things from the younger guys too.
3. Environment - not necessarily exposed to older guys
Do you think gays today are more supportive of each other and have a sense of unity than when you first came out?
I’m not really sure.
Overall, do you think today’s gay generation understands, appreciates and has a clear understanding of the sacrifices, struggles and contributions made by generations before them?
I’m not sure if younger gays "research" what older gays have done/sacrificed. But, if they are reading a variety of materials on gay history, then hopefully they are informed. If not, they should because they need to know. Everyone needs to know history.
What gay individual in history stands out in your mind?
Ellen DeGeneres
What is the one main thing you know now that you wish you knew when you first came out?
To be yourself and get to know yourself and don’t try to hide it. Embrace your nuttiness, humor and geek-ness.
What is the one thing you have learned since you came out that you believe younger guys could benefit in knowing that they don’t know now?
Don’t be so insecure.
What opinions of gay life as a young man did you have that have since changed as a result of maturing?
Don’t be a cow and follow the heard. Looks don’t mean a thing if you are not working on what’s inside.
Do you think coming out today is easier than when you came out?
Yes. The media has made it a bit easier as straight people are more accepting because of television.
Do you think the gay media plays a significant role in gay society’s preference of youth over maturity?
Yes. But, it isn’t just gay media, it’s the general media too.
If any, what is the single most important sacrifice or contribution you have made for the gay community?
I don’t feel as I have sacrificed anything. As far as my contributions, I think by being a good person and setting a good example is important.
Don age 56 Don age 25
What year did you come out?
1974
What is the age range of the majority of your friends?
All ages
What were the three biggest worries you had about coming out?
1. Being shutout by friends and family
2. Being Lonely
3. No chance of a successful career
What were the three best things about coming out?
1. Enriching my life with new friends that were gay
2. The adventure of it all
3. Falling in love
How significant a role have your looks played in your social life?
Somewhat significant
What are the three main issues that divide young gay men from mature gay men?
1. Patience
2. Maturity
3. Self-centeredness
Do you think gays today are more supportive of each other and have a sense of unity than when you first came out?
Yes. There are a lot more organizations and support groups out there then there were when I came out in the 70s. The acceptability of gayness has come a long way.
Overall, do you think today’s gay generation understands, appreciates and has a clear understanding of the sacrifices, struggles and contributions made by generations before them?
No way. They have no earthly idea how far we have come ... Not that I did anything ground breaking, but as a generation we did conquer a scary frontier.
What gay individual in history stands out in your mind?
Harvey Milk
What is the one main thing you know now that you wish you knew when you first came out?
Be real. Always be who you are and not what other people want you to be.
What is the one thing you have learned since you came out that you believe younger guys could benefit in knowing that they don’t know now?
Do not be in such a hurry. Do nothing in excess and make sure you create a great group of enriching and supporting friends.
What opinions of gay life as a young man did you have that have since changed as a result of maturing?
Beauty is not everything.
Do you think coming out today is easier than when you came out?
Yes. Being gay now is much more acceptable. Not like it was before.
Do you think the gay media plays a significant role in gay society’s preference of youth over maturity?
Yes. As the straight media does ... they think youth and beauty sells. But, they really need to revisit what is happening in the straight world is happening in the gay world ... there are baby boomers in our subset as well.
If any, what is the single most important sacrifice or contribution you have made for the gay community?
Hopefully, living my life as a great role model to others, and supporting causes that I believe are important to the community as a whole.
Craig age 42 Craig age 23
What year did you come out?
1987
What is the age range of the majority of your friends?
36 to 65
What were the three biggest worries you had about coming out?
1. Worried about getting AIDS
2. My family’s acceptance
3. Having little idea or knowledge about other gay people
What were the three best things about coming out?
1. Men
2. Sex
3. Being accepted by others like me
How significant a role have your looks played in your social life?
Somewhat significant
What are the three main issues that divide young gay men from mature gay men?
1. Drug use
2. The means in which we meet socially
3. Maturity levels
Do you think gays today are more supportive of each other and have a sense of unity than when you first came out?
No. As we are more accepted by mainstream America, we no longer need to "huddle" together in masses. We can stand on our own much easier.
Overall, do you think today’s gay generation understands, appreciates and has a clear understanding of the sacrifices, struggles and contributions made by generations before them?
No. Unfortunately, it’s human nature to forget or not care about history. As the time gap widens, new generations are unaware of the sacrifices and struggles of those who came before.
What gay individual in history stands out in your mind?
Predo, from the Real World. I believe he did more for gay right/AIDS awareness just because of the masses he reached through MTV.
What is the one main thing you know now that you wish you knew when you first came out?
That my family would have accepted me.
What is the one thing you have learned since you came out that you believe younger guys could benefit in knowing that they don’t know now?
AIDS is still a killer!
What opinions of gay life as a young man did you have that have since changed as a result of maturing?
40 is not old at all after all!
Do you think coming out today is easier than when you came out?
Yes, due to television and movies.
Do you think the gay media plays a significant role in gay society’s preference of youth over maturity?
Yes. For the general population I believe this is true but is slowly changing. With the advent of AIDS in the mid 80s, a significant amount of gay men in their 30s and 40s disappeared leaving a very youthful, gay society. There were very few older man to look to as either "attractive or desirable." Now that I am 40, I realize that my friends and I are not as ancient as we once thought, and we are now representing an alternative idea of maturity. Due to this large group of gay men entering their 40s, I believe the media will have to pay attention to this "demographic" and offer gay media that markets to this group. Currently however, I do believe we fall prey to the same marketing techniques as woman, youthful images to represent products, tourism and gay-entertainment.
If any, what is the single most important sacrifice or contribution you have made for the gay community?
By excelling in a basically "straight profession" and living my life in such a way that shows straights that gays are a group to be respected.
Juna age 46 Juna age 18
What year did you come out?
1978
What is the age range of the majority of your friends?
I have friends of all ages. But 30 to 95 is probably a good range!
What were the three biggest worries you had about coming out?
1. Being financially penalized by my mother and stepfather
2. Being beaten up by an abusive homophobic despicable brother
3. Being rejected by the familiar circle of old guard Cuban Society in Miami
What were the three best things about coming out?
1. Getting a crack at so many Men – lots of Hot Latin men.
2. Avoiding the BS of hiding or pretending to please people not worth pleasing
3. Being able to meet other gay friends that shared my interests and could be allies
How significant a role have your looks played in your social life?
Somewhat significant
What are the three main issues that divide young gay men from mature gay men?
1. Younger gay men seem to fear age and consequently avoid older gay men.
2. Older gay men can sometimes forget to be more nurturing and patient.
3. The lack of communication in general from drugs, pop culture and AIDS.
Do you think gays today are more supportive of each other and have a sense of unity than when you first came out?
NO. At least not here in South Florida. When I go to a new gay social event, no one is particularly welcoming unless you are the new stud in town – or known to be rich.
Overall, do you think today’s gay generation understands, appreciates and has a clear understanding of the sacrifices, struggles and contributions made by generations before them?
NO. But that is not surprising. In general – only serious students of history bother to learn and appreciate what was accomplished before them and for their benefit! Does anyone dwell much on WWII and what that generation did for us? Then why should the gay rights pioneers be more remembered by young gays who just want to party.
What gay individual in history stands out in your mind?
Gustav III of Sweden in the 18th Century. He was very daring for his time and had more panache than the entire
" Fab 5". Vive le Roi!
What is the one main thing you know now that you wish you knew when you first came out?
I wish I had known how hard it is to find a really good mate.
What is the one thing you have learned since you came out that you believe younger guys could benefit in knowing that they don’t know now?
How time flies and how they need to plan for old age – emotionally, financially and in taking care of their health. Our families so often cast us aside – unless we are rich.
What opinions of gay life as a young man did you have that have since changed as a result of maturing?
Hell, so much changed! After all, I came out and started to play before AIDS! I promptly learned it was not all fun and games and became all about fear of HIV and safer sex.
Do you think coming out today is easier than when you came out?
No question that it is so in the big cities where it’s so easy for any youngster. But my business travels have confirmed that it’s still a bitch in small regional towns. I was in Kerrville, TX in 2002, and saw it first hand and could not believe anything so brutally inhumane could exist in North America in the 21st Century.
Do you think the gay media plays a significant role in gay society’s preference of youth over maturity?
DUH! Of course! Go by a newsstand and what do you see? OUT, GENRE, INSTINCT has gorgeous20-something men all over the place. They are great eye candy, but not so inspiring after a while of just that all the time.
If any, what is the single most important sacrifice or contribution you have made for the gay community?
I cannot lay claim to doing anything except living my life and conducting my career to demonstrate that gay men deserve their place in society as everyone else does. Straight people need to remember we are also society’s consumers, service providers, consultants and leaders.